Humor dulce Hogar: mayo 2009

CONTRATO DE MAESTRAS

CONSEJO NACIONAL DE EDUCACIÓN CONTRATO DE MAESTRAS

AÑO 1923

'Este es un acuerdo entre la señorita............maestra, y el Consejo de Educación y de la Escuela por el cual la señorita ................................acuerda impartir clases por un periodo de ocho meses a partir del.....................de 1923.

La señorita acuerda:

1* - No casarse. Este contrato quedara automáticamente anulado y sin efecto si la maestra se casa.

2* - No andar en compañía de hombres.

3* - Estar en su casa entre las ocho de la tarde y las seis de la mañana, a menos que sea para atender una función escolar.

4* - No pasearse por las heladerías del centro de la ciudad.

5* - No abandonar la ciudad bajo ningún concepto sin el permiso del presidente del Consejo de Delegados.

6* - No fumar cigarrillos. Este contrato quedara automáticamente anulado y sin efecto si se encontrara a la maestra fumando.

7* - No beber cerveza, vino, ni whisky. Este contrato quedara automáticamente anulado y sin efecto si se encontrara a la maestra bebiendo.

8* - No viajar en ningún coche o automóvil con ningún hombre excepto su hermano o su padre.

9* - No vestir ropas de colores brillantes.

10* - No teñirse el pelo.

11* - Usar al menos dos enaguas

12* - No usar vestidos que queden a mas de cinco centímetros por encima de los tobillos.

13* - Mantener limpia el aula.:

a) Barrer el suelo del aula al menos una vez al día.

b) Fregar el suelo del aula al menos una vez por semana con agua cliente y jabón.

c) Encender el fuego a las siete, de modo que la habitación esté caliente a las ocho cuando lleguen los niños.

d) Limpiar la pizarra una vez al dia.

l4* - No usar polvos faciales, no maquillarse ni pintarse los labios.

Fuente: 'La Revista del Consejo Nacional de la Mujer' Año 4, Nro. 12. marzo 1999. Buenos Aires.

marriage proposal...

ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England .

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,

We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,

And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,

Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends

And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

In which your house can burn up as it burns

Down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,

And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

3 motivos para dejar de beber...

Adán y Eva

Cuando Dios creó a Adán y Eva les dijo: sólo me quedan dos regalos:

'Uno es el arte de hacer pipi de pie...y... 'entonces Adán se adelantó y gritó: ¡¡Yo!!!, ¡¡¡Yo!!!, ¡¡¡Yo!!!, Yo lo quiero, por favor... Señoooor, ¡¡porfaaa, porfaaa!!!, mire que me facilitaría la vida sustancialmente.

Eva asintió, y dijo que esas cosas no tenían importancia para ella.

Entonces Dios le dio a Adán el regalo y éste empezó a gritar de alegría.
Corría por el jardín del Edén y hacía pipi en todos los árboles y arbustos, corrió por la playa haciendo dibujos con su pipi en la arena...En fin, no paró de lucirse.

Dios y Eva contemplaban al hombre loco de felicidad y Eva preguntó Dios:

Cuál es el otro regalo?
Dios contestó: CEREBRO, Eva, CEREBRO Y ES PARA TI...

COMUNICADO DE PRENSA

La Secretaria de Prensa y Difusión de la Presidencia de la Nación anuncia que el próximo sábado, a las 9:30 a.m., serán retirados todos los sanitarios del CONGRESO, considerando que hace seis meses que nadie hace un sorete.

Dichos sanitarios serán instalados de inmediato, en el edificio de la Casa de Gobierno, ya que allí se mandan las cagadas más grandes de toda la Historia Argentina.

ATTE.-

Presidencia de la Nación Argentina

PD: La presidente no firma el comunicado, ya que en este preciso momento esta cagando....

a millones de argentinos.

Sepan disculparla.

Porsche...

Diane, a blonde, was desperate to earn some money, so she decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all around the house?" The man replied, "She should... she was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch... it's a Ferrari."

poor puppy...

A timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and,
clearing his throat, asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns
the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man wearing biker leathers with his body hair growing
out of the seams turned slowly on his stool. He looked down at
the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, very nervous, "I believe my dog
just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind
of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four-week-old puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my
Doberman?"

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."